sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
