My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
