Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i think my mom watched the whole time
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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