Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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