just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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