I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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