sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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