Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am spending my child support on dildos
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
