Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
