is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
