she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
