apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
