it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
