I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
