I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
