i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
