I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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