Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
