The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
