I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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