The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
