Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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