Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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