I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
