I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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