I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
