In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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