Non-Jews are for practice
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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