I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
