these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
