i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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