that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
