Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
