i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
