You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
