Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
