Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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