My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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