Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
