So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize