The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
