You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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