There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
