we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
