did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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