Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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