that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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