Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
