From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
