the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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