whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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