At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
