I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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