I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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