Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
