No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
