i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
