Well douche your snatch and let's go!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
