so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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