people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
