worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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