you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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