Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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